What's wrong with giving advice, making recommendations, or telling heartwarming stories of hope?

Nothing wrong with it per se. The following are examples of ways in which you can very helpfully do so:

• I read something the other day about such-and-such a thing. Would you like me to send it to you/tell you about it?


• I know this person who did something-or-other. Would you like me to tell you their story?

Please don't be offended or discouraged if the answer is "no". Your next piece of information might be highly useful and we would hate to miss that! And besides, we do appreciate the thought. However, please understand there is a high chance you are about to tell us:

• stuff we already know to death


• something completely irrelevant to our situation


• a story so heartwarmingly hopeful it will cause me to have a minor panic attack just thinking about the number of horrible things that couple went through before gaining eventual success

- which is why I reserve my right to say, "No, but thanks."


If you are about to phrase your suggestion/story in any of the following ways, please stop:

• You should...


• If I was you, I'd...


• So-and-so's doctor told them to...


• It might be a good idea if you...


• Don't worry, I know a couple who...

("Why don't you...?" also skates on thin ice, depending on your tone of voice.)

Suggestions and stories phrased like this come across as thinly-veiled ways of saying, "You've got nothing to worry about!" and, "Clearly, you can't look after yourself properly." Which isn't what you meant.